“I’m living the future – So the present is my past – my presence is a present – kiss my a$$” - Kanye West
As some of us bask in the self-congratulatory glow of Barack Obama’s historic re-election, naturally, we may be forgetting those of our fellow citizens who, fed up with the apparent “Socialist” leanings of the great country, are ready to pack their bags and go.
America is all about life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness AND, the ability to chose not to do any of that shit, because goddarnit, we’re Americans!
For you secessionists out there, don’t you worry your little revolutionary-lite heads, JetSetterFresh has just the thing for you!
“JETSETTERFRESH – A TRAVEL AGENCY FOR SECESSIONISTS”
Not of all us were doing the watusi to 2 Chainz’ “Birthday Song” last week.
Some of us weren’t happy at all.
Hopefully it’s not copyright infringement for me to ask them, “Wanna get away?”
Well guess what? You’re just in luck, because today we are introducing the JetSetterFresh Travel Agency for Secessionists!
We’ve got some excellent packages replete with all kinds of options for the American who just can’t wait to get out of America since “He of the Forged Birth Certificate” was voted in. Tired of over bearing bloated government? Tired of high taxes and low paychecks? Tired of western born, wannabe Commie black traitors!? Huh? Tired yet?!
Well, it’s a free country, pack your things and move!
In an attempt to reduce the country’s bloated stock of unsold homes, the government is set to offer permanent residency to any foreigner provided they buy a house or apartment worth more than (EURO)160,000 ($200,000).
Sounds good to me? In California $200,000 would get you a shack in a non-english speaking neighborhood, but in this case you get a decent, barely used – shack, in a non-enlgish speaking neighborhood. Um, yeah, moving along.
The plan, unveiled by Trade Ministry secretary Jaime Garcia-Legaz Monday and expected to be approved in the coming weeks, would be aimed principally at Chinese and Russian buyers. Spain has more than 700,000 unsold houses following the collapse of its real estate market in 2008 and demand from the recession-hit domestic market is stagnant.
You can kill all kinds of birds with one fell swoop. You get to leave America, and after paying your exit-tax you can get a house in Spain, and a share of citizenship on the side! You’ll be right down the street from rich Chinese and Russian ex-pats, who are the major targets of this offer, but hey, if America is falling into Socialism, you’ll be right at home next the Chinese and the Russians. There are all kinds of great views in Spain, I bet Sarah Palin can see you from her house.
You want to guess what is even better about Spain specifically?
In addition to boasting an unemployment rate near 25%, you also have member states of Spain trying to secede as well!
SPAIN: Catalonians protest the Spanish government and promote secession
Some of you may really get a kick out of Spain. We suggest going out there during Easter Week, you’ll be able to run into some of your long lost cousins.
Religious procession during Easter Week in Barcelona, Spain
CURRENT TRAVEL PACKAGES ::
COST OF CITIZENSHIP – EU 400,000 ($511,000)
Come on out to the Emerald Isle, where Debt-to-GDP ratio is a toasty 111.5%. Get a house, dodge some beggars, and release yourself from the yoke of socialist America. Here, our construction industry grew to encompass around 28% of the nation’s economic output. So when that went kaput (all commie puns intended) the nation was rocked with crashing property values, and failing banks. Then, in a very free market capitalist sort of way our government nationalized the entire banking system.
COST OF CITIZENSHIP – EU 500,000 ($640,000)
Come one, come all!
Right in the midst of public outcry against the austerity programs strangling this Iberian locale. You want opportunity? Portugal’s unemployment rate is nearly 16%. If Obama and his constraining policies are too much for you, come on down to Portugal. Where our over-bloated government would make Barney Frank look like a good replace for Jessica Simpson and Weight Watchers. =) But guess what? We’d make Paul Ryan and Mittens proud, our austerity measures have salaries frozen at 700 euros a month. People are heading to Switzerland to be janitors just to make ends meet.
Self Deportation anyone?
PORTUGAL: Yeah! Wait till the Texans show up here!
COST OF CITIZENSHIP EU 140,000 ($180,000) or EU 700,000 ($90,000) in the countryside.
We hear that some of you are really depressed after the election. Running over family members and what not.
We’ve got just place for you, with around $180k in the city, or $90k in the country, you can leave the US and become a citizen of Latvia! This former Soviet satellite has had negative GDP for the past couple of years, and an unemployment rate around 13.5%.
So if you’re down for a little scrap, and have the desire to own your own plot of land, Latvia is the place.
LATVIA: Clear air, safe streets, a sense of community.
These are only a few choices that we have in our arsenal.
Please feel free to contact us so we can help you secessionists to get out of America as soon as possible.
The EuroZone is the new America isn’t it?(Socialized medicine, education and massive government debts)
Get up, get out and enjoy your life.
Don’t let us Socialist American’s keep you from your dreams.
Dudley DeuxWrite on Twitter (https://twitter.com/DudleyDeuxWrite)