“Getting more Money – It comes with more Problems – I used to be MAC’ing, but now I’m Steve Jobs’n – See you got Two Choices – You can stay Broke, or Grind – Life is a Bi!tch, And I’m just trying to Oprah mines . .” - Fabolous
Peace to all the JetSetters and Go-Getters out there,
We are very honored to have secured an exclusive interview with the Id/Alter Ego of Mark Zuckerberg, he calls himself Zucky-Fresh. Sitting down to some over priced Starbucks and a hope that my Internet(s) connection didn’t fail me, I discussed the latest and greatest with Zucky-Fresh, CEO in his Own Mind of Facebook.
JetSetterFresh: Good Morning Mr. Zucky-Fresh, we are so glad you could find the time to chat with us. Of course you’ve gotten married, the Facebook IPO was a raging….um….”event”, and your team has purchased a company with 13 employees and no revenue for $1 Billion dollars. Ya’ll are really making it rain right now!
Zucky: Thanks man, you know, I’m cooler than a polar bear’s toe nails. Life is good.
JetSetterFresh: Good to hear, could you shed some light on the issues I touched on? The news media is all a buzz with how the IPO went to down. Information supposedly wasn’t shared with all investors, the NASDAQ market had a major hiccup on opening, and it looks for all intents and purposes that the retail investor was made to look like a dummy.
Zucky: Isn’t TIMELINE the sh!t? You just love it, don’t cha?
JetSetterFresh: Excuse me?
Zucky: You know that great change we made before the IPO so that we could push more ads onto user screens and totally screw up the ease of use of our platform.
Awesome huh? *cough cough* . . *eye rolls*..*stares at his phone*
JetSetterFresh: Um, I suppose. The IPO sir, what about the IPO?
Zucky: Do you say Instagram? another great deal for us! I mean they’d been in business just a little over a year, besides taking pictures I still haven’t seen much else you can do with it. So yeah, we swooped in to stop other people from making a stupid mistake. . .
JetSetterFresh: * raises right eyebrow slightly . . *
Zucky: And *cough *cough* before the IPO we made a purchase to fuel *the hype*, *cough*, excitement for our offering.
JetSetterFresh: Yeah, Instagram’s value for you guys will be realized, hopefully at some point…I’m sure.
Zucky: We, too.
JetSetterFresh: Um…isn’t true that Instagram doesn’t have any revenues currently?
Zucky: Hey look over there, your friend posted a picture of themselves in the tub!!
JetSetterFresh: People are really interested in what you have to say about the IPO. The stock has traded below the issue price already, on digital paper you’ve lost millions and millions of dollars, and the general public must feel that they’ve been made to look like fools once again.
Zucky: Don’t you just love that new sidebar? Doesn’t it just clutter up your screen and actually give you too much information? Don’t you just love how you have to keep adjusting your News Feed settings. Don’t you just love seeing posts from the same people, despite changing your settings to avoid that? C’mon you love it don’t you.
JetSetterFresh: Sir, please focus, the IPO, you have a major public relations scandal on your hands. Everyone knows that you haven’t found a way to monetize Facebook outside of ads and selling users personal data. (JSF LEGAL : “Legally, of course.
Zucky: Did you see me at the wedding? Pimp sh!t
JetSetterFresh: Thank you Mr. Zucky, it doesn’t appear you want to talk.
Zucky: That’s Mr. Zucky-Fresh punk. Your Mom’s on Facebook so the battle is already lost .
JetSetterFresh: In closing, is there anything you’d like to share with the public, so you may be able to possibly put them at ease about the IPO, their personal information and the future of Facebook.
Zucky: . . . . .
JetSetterFresh: Ehhhhh, thank you sir.
Zucky: No problem it was all your pleasure I’m sure. .